I need this.

I love tumblr but I can't really express myself there.

So, I've never been so stressed in my life. Fuck senior project. Fuck AP Calculus exam. Fuck...my life?
haha

Ya know, those nights(/days) when all of a sudden you feel different like you realized that you've changed maybe in just a small way but you can tell. This, yes this moment, is one of those times. This is a good change. An "i can conquer the world" change. I feel it. I want to write, I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to scream.


I'm listenening to a bloc party song right now and i miss the days when I listened to them constantly. I also miss typing with no caps. for some reason when i post on tumblr i feel like i have to have correct capitalization. i also feel i cannot post anything personal on there. like an actual blog.
funny thing is, i think i'll post this on tumblr.
jeez, now copeland came on :]. this is a great shuffle. i mean sometimes you shuffle and get the worst songs in your library and then sometimes you get the perfect one, the one that seems to fit perfectly into the current scene of your life.

what the fuuu, of Montreal just came on! amazing, this may possibly be the best shuffle of my life. haha

i still have a thing for guys with super curly hair, especially cute little ones who listen to of montreal, i'm just saying.

i've never smiled so much

i saw taking back sunday on wednesday

it had to be my favorite show by far, i mean i've loved that band since I was 12!

and i'm pretty sure we sat next to adam's parents afterwards haha

overreaction?

i don't know but it hurts. my heart hurts and it's racing faster than it ever has. it's funny because this probably isn't about what you think it is.

i hate this.

...

it's the unexpected warm days in the midst of below freezing weather that make me realize how much i truly hate the cold/winter
it's not the winter that i hate really, it's moreso the feeling that comes along with it

ever since about 6th or 7th grade i've gotten, for the lack of a better word, pretty depressed or at least just down
i don't know why but i really didnt think that it was going to happen this year or should i say that it was happening until last night
it actually felt warm and my heart began to flutter, it felt like this huge weight was lifted off me
ok, I know that sounds cheesy but it's kind of hard to explain

i hate this feeling, it feels like 500 pounds of books are just lying on my chest

also, night is a bad time for me unless i'm actually out doing something or even just watching a movie(basically anything that prevents me from thinking)because i'm the person who pretty much keeps everything inside and by the end of the day i start thinking about everything and that weight feels so much heavier on my chest

it's weird because i'm usually content with just thinking about things and pondering about life but at night it's like everything dark and negative just creeps into my thoughts


at this very second, it's worse than it has been in a while because the weight usually goes away (kinda a back and forth kind of thing) but it's just stuck so i'm going to get this off my chest-

one thing i constantly think about is how i've never had anything close to a relationship, what's worse is that i don't think i've ever met anyone i've been that attracted to(physically yes, but nothing past that) and what i think bothers me the most is that i know that there are guys out there that i would want something with, they're just not here. that's what leaves me with this sense of helplessness because i want someone
i
really
really
do









i'm pretty sure i've had myself convinced for the past 3 or 4 years that i didn't
but if i want something i can't stop lying to myself, i have to make it happen or let it happen
whichever.

butch walker

is a genius. Seriously, I listened to his new cd today and kfjldjf I haven't listened to a CD that made me feel like this in quite awhile.
Every single song is beyond amazing.
It's crazy that he's older than my mom and dad though.

So I went to sleep at 10:30 last night and woke up 1:30 today. That is 15 hours of sleep. I'm positive I've caught up on rest now, so there is no excuse for me to be lazy this week.

At 5 I went to work and got off at 7:40.
I read some of eclipse and it makes me feel bad for every real guy because so many girls are in love with Edward now and there is no way they can compare to that character.

black friday

So I called Cynthia about 50 times rying to wake her up. haha

It ended up being just my mom and me.

Best thing about the day?

this really cute boy in hot topic.



oh and we ate at cracker barrel mmmm. I saw this guy there that I swear I know but couldn't figure it out. It was one of things where when you look at them trying to figure out how you know them, they're doing the same.



I tried to watch the love guru but dkfjdl dumbest thing ever.

Dance until the band stops playing, sing with all your might.

I love holidays.

Tomorrow Cynthia and I are going shopping, so we have to wake up at like 3:30.
I'm excited.

Life is good right now. It's like something just clicked into place yesterday and I'm feeling a lot better than I have lately. I don't even think I realized how down I was getting.

I miss my Ipod.